My hand

     Looking at my hand, my ordinary,  human hand, there are so many things that come to mind. This hand has held my husband's hand, as a nervous teen. Later it held his hand as we said sacred vows. It held our firstborn, wet from my womb, in awe of everything.  This hand has held the hand of children learning to walk. Hugged teens who are learning to fly. It has made countless meals for a lot of people. It has caressed, soothed, and cared for loved ones. It has been used in prayer for others and myself. It has been used in anger, to make a point, or even to strike, much to my shame. It has been there for as long as my memories exist. 

     This hand has five fingers. I learned to count to five on this hand, many, many moons ago. I learned fingerplays and songs, using this hand.  I learned that five is a relatively small number, in our large world. 

I never imagined, never, that I would one day be counting my angel children. 

     Oh, I know they aren't really angels, these little ones of mine who never drew a breath on this Earth. Angels are only spiritual, with no corporal bodies. Our children, from their very nanosecond of becoming, are corporal. They are separate yet within us. They require us, their mothers, to sustain them. The most vulnerable of the vulnerable. 

     My hand is full. Five fingers count the five children that have stayed here only long enough for us to say hello. Left too soon to really say goodbye. How can a mother really ever say goodbye? How can a Christian ever say goodbye and believe it is finite?

     You see, looking at my hand I am reminded, reminded of more than sorrow. I am reminded that HE has us in the palm of HIS hand. That we are sheltered there, even when it seems that we are in the midst of the tempest.

A Lesson in Patience

Patience is not my strong point. Although it seems that others don't feel the same. Many, many times I will hear this from strangers. "You must have a lot of patience to...." Insert stay at home with kids, homeschool, have a large family or even watch my grandchild. Maybe they are seeing what I am missing. I am not sure. I do know, that even at my "advanced age", I have a lot to learn. My toddler was my teacher this day.

Isaac and I took a nap, on a Saturday afternoon. It was delicious! Warm and cozy as only a nap with a chubby toddler can be. When we woke up I decided to take a shower. Well, Isaac was happy about that! He loves taking a shower with one of us. And Kenny can't hold him in the shower quite yet, after his recent shoulder surgery.

I told him to wait until I had washed my hair, and I would let him in. I wet my hair, lathered up, and my mind started to wander. I started thinking of a troubling situation. A good friend, fallen away from the Church and her family. I felt angry, and as I rinsed and added conditioner, I thought, "Somebody has to DO something to stop this!! How can this person do this to everyone? What is going on? I don't understand this!" I felt sadness too. "Why is God allowing this? What is the point of this? Where is the good?".

I finished, soaped off, rinsed and turned off the water. I opened the curtain, looked down, and saw Isaac. He was standing there the whole time. Not whining or complaining, or questioning what I was doing. He couldn't even see me. He was being so quiet that I had forgotten that he was waiting for me! He said," Shower, Mommy?"

My anger, frustration and sadness disappeared in an instant. I thought, "Patience!". Patience is what is needed here. In this situation, in any situation, patience is the answer. As a toddler trusted his mother, I need to trust my Heavenly Father. It will all be okay. He has it under control. even if I can't see what He is doing.

Well, THAT week flew by

It is amazing, how fast our weeks can go, when every day seems like forever. Time doesn't change, but our perception does, as we grow older.
My own life seems like the blink of an eye. I remember being a small child. My earliest memory is sitting in a car seat, with the window down and my hair blowing. Another child, not related, sat next to me. My mother, before I was 2, used to drive a car pool for a nearby nursery school. It is a snippet, but so vivid.
I wonder what my children will remember, when they are grown. Will they remember the time they spilled nail polish, and got in trouble? When their mother lost her cool? Maybe the year the hurricane came, and we had to sleep in the basement. Perhaps instead they will  remember the countless nature walks we took, drives to nowhere, and dancing in the rain? The day kittens were born in our basement, or when their sibling learned to roll over, and we all cheered.
Whatever their memories, good, bad or ugly, I hope the smell of broth cooking on the back burner brings them back, to a moment that passed, at least for them, a lot more slowly. When being a child, and playing, was their job.

New Beginnings

The new school year is upon us. My nineteenth year of homeschooling. It feels like the first one, again, on this day. The pile of books is both exciting and a little scary. My students stagger from their beds, wrapped in blankets, muttering about the indignity of it all.
My littles are already outside, on the playground, because when you are 7, or 3, or 2, life is fun, 98% of the time.
This year is unique because I have no middle school students. I have a 9th, 5th and 1st grader. I have a pre-k and toddler that like to do things too.
My highschool student, Malea, is in two co-ops. Her schooling will be planned by others this year. She is taking:
Biology with a lab
Writing
Poetry
Government/U.S. History
Teaching Textbooks Algebra
Apologetics and Current Events from a Catholic Perspective
Nature study


My fifth grader, Mary Catherine, has:

Catholic School House for:
History
Religion
Science
Art
Grammar
Composer Studies
Artist studies

Teaching Textbooks 5

The Care and Keeping of You for Health


My first grader, Elina, has:

Catholic School House for:
History
Religion
Science
Art
Grammar
Composer Studies
Artist Studies

Life of Fred for Math


Andrew, almost 4 and Lauren, just 2, have:

Catholic Icing at co-op
Signing Time at co-op

26 Letters to Heaven
Catholic Mosaic

Rotating daily totes with books, felt games, peg dolls, cutting activities, etc.

Lots of books and a huge playground



Mom has:

A grateful heart
A willing Spirit
A more humble self than before

God, please bless this school year! We will be busy, and some of the things we need to learn are difficult. Give us hearts for service, to help others without expecting anything in return. Help us to persevere, and give all glory where it belongs, to Christ alone. Let others see only Christ in us. Amen

Adios Facebook Drama!!!

I have done something I can't believe. Yes, I have unfollowed everyone on Facebook!!
What, but, how...how will you know what is going on?
Well, I won't. That is kind of the point. :-)
I NEED this, my family needs this, and my husband especially needs this. Too many times, something I read changes my mood. Many times it is not for the better. Even happy news, if overwhelming, can change my focus.
You see, my focus needs to be on those God has given to me, here in this place. This home, this group of people, this family.
Of course, others are welcome to join us in our lives. We are happy to see and talk with family and friends. Just in person. :-)

A new beginning, again

I have found this blog again, after being away for a long time. The posts speak to my soul, and I can't bear to go somewhere else and start again. Once again, I am home to stay.

An Advent Devotional by Caitlin and Leocea

My daughter Caitlin and I decided to write a mother and daughter ADvent devotional. We plan to cowrite in the future as well. This is week one's devotional: This Advent devotional is co-written by Leocea and Caitlin McLanahan, mother and daughter in body, daughters of Christ in spirit. We hope that this devotional will bless you during this wonderful season of Advent. To make this even more enjoyable, attend Mass together as often as possible during this time. Spend time together before the Blessed Sacrament. There is a very good virtual Blessed Sacrament online at savior.org for those who are unable to find a nearby adoration chapel. Make use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation, if possible, before starting or during the devotional. Make a serious Examination of Conscience regarding your relationship prior to Reconciliation. Enjoy this time together, as mother and daughter(s). St. Anne and Our Blessed Mother, pray for us! Beginning Prayer: Lord, as we approach the blessed season of your birth, help us to see clearly the path on which you lead us. As mothers, let us learn to find joy in raising our daughter(s) to womanhood. Help us to love them unconditionally and without strife. As daughters, help us to have hope for the future, growing in love with our mother's help. Be with us to give us peace through the daily turmoils of the mother-daughter relationship. Together let us walk in your ways as women, growing closer to your son Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. Advent Week One: Hope Sunday: Light the advent candle together Opening Prayer: Lord, during this Advent we celebrate not only your coming, but your mother's Immaculate Conception as well. Your grandmother St. Anne waited, hopefully, for the birth of her daughter, Our Blessed Mother. So now, give us hope in this upcoming season to do your will and grow in our faith as your daughters. As mother and daughter(s), let us be hopeful that our relationship is as loving as that of your mother and hers. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord, through the intercession of St Anne and our Blessed Mother. Amen. Our Father... Hail Mary... Hail Mary... Hail Mary... Glory Be... Discussion questions: Mother: When you were pregnant, or expecting to adopt, what one thing did you hope for your daughter? Daughter: What do you hope for in life? Both: If you could hope for one thing right now, what would it be? Closing Prayer: Lord, thank you for this time together. Please bless us during the coming week, giving us joyful hope for the future. In Jesus' name, Amen. Daily: Light the candle if desired. Lord, during this first week of Advent, give us hope. Hope for good health, safety, and trust beyond all understanding. Hope for our country, to rise above the current culture of death. We fully await your second coming together. In Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen. Hail Mary... Glory Be...